The Playoffs, The Crow, The Witch and the Wardrobe

I have never dated anyone who liked sports. Hell, I wasn't even a sports fan until I moved down here and found myself watching plenty of football, hockey, baseball and golf....yes golf (gee, thanks Dad)! Yes, I enjoy watching sports with my friends: analyzing football with Charlie, talking Hockey with Tone; getting hi-fives for randomly wearing my Giants hat around (no matter how old you are, you never pass up a hi-five). So when I found that the Crow is very much a non-sports fan, it didn't bother me - I can watch sports with my friends. It's a non-issue...until it became an issue.

This weekend was the NFC/AFC playoff games where two of my favorite NFL teams won in spectacular fashion and will go on to play one of the best Super Bowl matches ever! However, before the games even began, I was knocked down with a lingering cold. The kind that makes it uncomfortable to be in enclosed spaces (you know, like a BAR). Since the Crow was sick as well, we were going to take it easy this weekend with (my goal) being to make it to the GPS to watch the game with Charlie, Tone, Leanna and the Woo! Girls. This was important to me and I did what I could to get better. The Crow couldn't understand why I would sacrifice my health for something as "stupid" as a football game. Now normally, my volatile nature would have me pull a Jim Harbaugh and throw a chair across the room or yell at the Crow like Jimmy yells at the refs.

Just. Like. That.

But, as part of growing up and (gulp) respecting my partner's opinion, I calmly (no seriously, I was calm) explained that while football wasn't important to him, it was part of a ritual with my friends that was important to me. A time where we can all be excited and cheer towards a common goal. Plus, because of possible future developments, it could be the very last time the football gang as I define it will be together. After that, we put aside the conversation realizing nothing was going to be resolved that day. I had trouble understanding why it bothered him so much - he's always invited and everyone loves him but it came to me in my sleep. It was the same reason why I don't like going to watch him jam with his band - I'm not getting anything out of it. The person I go for is distracted and there's nothing for me to do. 

I woke up the day of the games ready to admit that I saw his point when he asked, "do you want a ride to the bar? You don't want to be late, do you"? I jumped into his arms and said thank you - turns out he had the same analogy in his head too. "You come to practice with me smiling and trying to learn even though I know it's not your thing. I can live with you being a sports fan", he said smiling. With that, he drove me to the bar where I watched one of the best playoff games I've ever seen. The Crow even sent me a text asking about the score even though he didn't care...that's love baby! So I got to enjoy my day, not get anyone sick and watch the Niners go to the Super Bowl. Excellllentttttt.

Tone and the Wooooo! Girls...rocking the GPS since 2010!

New Years Eve...yes, still with Journey Damnit!

I promised myself last year that I wouldn't allow Journey to bum their way into my New Years Eve party. But some asshole in San Francisco at ALL TIMES feels the need to put a Journey song on every. jukebox. ever. And tonight was no exception.

That means YOU Steve Perry!!

On that note, it was a more subdued holiday this year. So much so, that it's taken me three weeks to write this. I wanted a party like last year, a bar hopping extravaganza with special guests B-Money and Colby, with appearances by the WHOLE GANG and introducing Leanna - the love of Tony's life. Sadly, it was not meant to be. Let's just say the Holiday season put a sour taste in everyone's mouths and no one was feeling up to bar hopping on a Monday night. Hell, not even I was feeling it this year and I had the Crow...why couldn't he be in my fabulous introduction? Because there was no crowd this year - the gang were sick, or working, or broke, or headed to another shindig. At the end of the day only Tom, Charlie, the Crow and I survived. Not a bad group to have if I say so myself and because even we were on the fence, in the words of Eddie Izzard, "you're British, so scale it down a bit".

 Possibly one of the funniest comedy specials ever!! And Action Transvestites!! And filmed in SF!! Ok, I'll stop.

So in an effort to listen to one of the greatest comics ever, we decided to stay at one bar and celebrate there. I chose the Blackthorn Tavern (a frequent guest in my stories for the past year) because: 1) they take credit cards; 2) there's a pool table; 3) easy access for drunk homies to get home. We showed up around 8 pm and it was dead...absolutely dead. I questioned whether or not I was even in San Francisco at that point. Even the Crow was looking for homeless guys outside just to make sure there wasn't a tsunami warning we may have missed. Luckily, Tom and Charlie suggested pool and after Tom paid a dollar for the table that was actually free (tee hee), we played...and played...and played.

                              Tom/Charlie - 1: Crow/Commander - 0      Commander/Tom -1: Charlie/Crow - 0

Tom/Crow - 1: Charlie/Commander - 0

So I'm an average pool player at best. Luckily, around 11 people started showing up and we were officially drunk. New Years party hats were passed around, crass jokes were told and we could still do better math than the bimbo bartender who kept trying to give us the wrong change (and who said brunettes can't be bimbos)? We wished more of our friends could be there but at the same time, it was nice to spend time in smaller group - focus on everyone. So, in pictorial order is how the evening progressed:

 I could have added captions but I almost think it's funnier to wonder. We ended up having a good time and no one made any New Years Resolutions! Hell, I was so drunk that I even sang along to "Don't Stop Believing" when the manditory person put it on the jukebox (Im....so ashamed)!

So after a drunken bus/train ride home involving the following: a guy wandering down the train tracks in the tunnel which paused all trains; one of us repeatedly telling the cops in said tunnel that they were drunk...you know, just so they were aware of our drunkenness; same person standing on a wrapped tampon (not as gross as you think) and a narrow avoidance of a possible race riot. There was no Star Trek: The New Generation watching that night as we all immediately hit the sack.

Low key, funny and (most importantly for the Crow and I) our first New Years together. As we were drifting off to sleep he said, "that was fun. We should do that next year! You can just threaten everyone, they'll come". Maybe, but all good things have to come to an end and besides - there's more to explore than drunken hijinks in the Inner Sunset....we still have Polk Street!

In closing, here's a picture of a Bacon Bloody Mary....because I can

#21 - The Avocado Milkshake

I love weird food challenges - even as a little kid I always wanted to be in a pie eating contest (and was)! There are those times where you'll see something on a menu or you'll hear about a food from your crazy stoner friend that really makes you consider trying something you normally wouldn't. Let's go back a few months when our hero and Gangster Tom wandered into what appeared to be a cute little 50's style diner at the end our street. We were warned by Charlie not to do go in here but my friends aren't the most reliable when it comes to things like this. Inside we were bombarded by boxes of food everywhere, decaying booths and handwritten signs for Vienamese foods. We were confused...it was Asian owned but come on. Egg rolls with your breakfast? Still, I saw the sign for an Avocado Milkshake and immediately brushed it off as gross. Out of my mind....until, the Crow and I ventured in one night and I brought it to his attention. "You should try it. You like weird crap like that", he said over the worst grilled cheese sandwich ever (seriously, how do you fuck up grilled cheese)? So, after prompting from the Crow and a horrified look from Tom, I ventured to try the Avocado milkshake. I actually looked somewhat appealing.

I can pretend it it's mint??

 I have never tasted anything like this in my life. Not necessarily good but...weird. I didn't think ice cream could not be sweet. It tasted like avocado which was...ok at least until you reached the bottom of the glass there the chunks live!

Say it with me...ewwwww

Verdict - I'm glad I can say I did it...but I never need to again. I'll leave my avocados to my eggs dammit!

Commander and Tone vs. The Gym...

*Cue Rocky Training music....*

The gym and I have had a rough relationship. I was a really active kid and thought I would have that endurance forever. Ha! It took years for me to realize it's just not as fun running around by yourself. I first started going to the gym with my dear friend the Capn back in the dark ages (pre-move to SF) while we were both lazy, bored pizza slingers. We would hit 24hr Fitness late at night with the truly obese of Folsom - watching Adult Swim and chatting together as we rode stationary bikes. It was sooooo fun.

It's still debatable how helpful it was to me but it started the Capn on body transformation (yes, you look awesome my friend). Over the years, I tried off-and-on doing the gym thing - eavesdropping on personal trainers for tips, getting kicked in the face in pilates, being downwind of the guy farting on the treadmill. For the most part, I just don't have the motivation to do it alone. Luckily, Tone has also wanted to get in shape. For the past year, we've been going to the gym together. I have to use the term "going" loosely - we haven't been the best at it in awhile.

In an attempt to show you how out of shape we are, I've provided my rendition of what we hope to achieve from this.

Before the Gym...

file photo - I'm hiding a big ass under there

After the gym...

Wow! Check out my man ring! Tone, you look good...

Ok seriously, my love for 'The Expendables' aside, my "brotha from another mother" and I are way too out of shape to continue pretending we're not. I've acknowledged my problem exercising alone (that is, I won't do it. I'll crap out and eat a bag of chips) and Tone has a time problem (the gym is a long way from his house). Still, we are determined damnit!....right? RIGHT??

Unfortunately, time has kicked our asses. Tone works constantly but I have no excuse - the gym is a block from my job. I'm trying to make it worth my money but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. I can't believe I'm saying this - I think the gym won! Maybe not permanently but enough to make us re-think our strategy. Like Rocky...we'll fight back. For motivation, I have this printed on the wall of my desk at work.

I've only seen fat guys wear these...

#12 - The Commuter Bike..

Thanks to the Crow and the advent of Christmas, I now have a commuter bike - complete with badass bike lock and lights suitable for Market Street traffic. Now, I just have to create the endurance that won't make me look like the fat kid in gym class trying to run the mile (complete with wheezing)! One down, 29 to go....

Even "Gangster" Tom is impressed!