I'm Not Coming Back for Oates...

July Goals: Get Fit…Bit

Ok, I've been neglecting my health for way too long. I noticed the need when my legs were falling out from under me in Chicago. So July is about getting it together…physically.

Physical:

• I admit it…I bought a Fit-Bit Flex. I really didn't want to do this but I want to get serious about my health and this seemed to be one the best ways to do it. I'd like to lose 10 lbs and get a 10 minute mile…and find out why I'm sleeping so crappy. Lets hope that works.

I wasn't cool enough to get one with color-mine is black…like my soul (goth joke)

• Schedule complete physical for August. I'm pretty sure my Physician's Assistant thinks I'm a hypochondriac but I'm in my 30's now and need to ask questions I thought I was too young to ask (is that a mole or chocolate?)

Social:

• Go to Off the Grid - ok, I had a talk with Tom and Honorary Roomie Jesse and we're going. I promise!
• Utilize my birthday present. More on that later…
• Taking rafting trip with my wonderful friends and take lots of pictures. This was such a great time last year - I can't wait to do it again.
• Take a class that sounds interesting…I have a couple ideas.

Financial:

• Begin to aggressively save for travel and house fund. I spend way too much on everyday crap - as the Capn says "it's time to get serious". 
• Work on a budget..and try to stick to it. I tend to spoil myself during my birthday month - here's to hoping I can tamper it down a bit.

June Goals - Recap

Social:

• Take a trip to Chicago and see "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me" live.  Pass - Mo wasn't there so I couldn't get his autograph for Grandma but I did shake hands with Peter Sagal AND Legendary Anchorman, Bill Curtis. 

Most people don't know Peter Sagal is bald…and hilarious!

• Father's Day with Dad - in which we will be pruning bonsai trees and having a BBQ. I can get my zen on! - Pass - although I was extremely exhausted from lack of sleep and my insane work schedule, I was able to help Dad a little and spend time together. Win-win!
• Go to the El Dorado County Fair. Yep, my childhood fair that I have not gone to in 10 years. Luckily, this time I can walk around with a margarita! Maybe I can bribe my sister into going with me (and she won't throw ice cream at any jerks again). - Fail - I was wayyyy too tired. Plus, my sister didn't want to go and that's no fun.

Physical:

• Yoga once a week with Zoe - Both of our schedules really screwed this one up but we're willing to try again. - Fail - Zoe became Manager of her own store and didn't really have the time but that's ok - I didn't either. It's a bummer but maybe we can make up for it.
• 12,000 steps a day - I'm waiting for my pedometer to die so I can buy a Fit-Bit. I may as well wear the damn thing out for the sake of health. - Fail - as usual, work got in the way.
• Down 10 lbs - I can do this. I got out my copy of Tim Ferriss' "The 4-Hour Body" which helped me the first time and I'm on the road again. - Fail - The lure of pizza and wonderful Chicago food..like Italian Beef Sandwiches…lured me from my goal.
• Get my damn hair cut! - I'm not a girlie-girl, I love my long hair but it's just getting in the way. - Pass - took 5" off and tried new highlights. As my beloved friend Claudius said "you have a sensible 30-year old haircut"…I'm attempting to dye it red again as we speak.

Financial:

• Up my Roth IRA monthly contributions - I'm only putting in about 60% of what I should. I'd be happy getting this up to 75%. - Pass - upping the amount today. Still, I'd rather put it in my travel fund.

Miscellaneous:

• Start taking more pictures. I wasn't very good at this in Pittsburgh and I really need to up my game for the various social and travel opportunities coming up. Not to mention, I'd like to decorate my walls with something. - Pass - took great Chicago pics!
• Go to Off the Grid! I have this one on here again because it pissed me off I couldn't squeeze it last time. I WILL get my Horchata Kettle Korn! - Fail - still didn't make it but that doesn't mean that I won't next month.

This was a good month. I just wish I didn't focus so much on making money. Luckily, next month won't give me that option.

Come and Knock On Our Door…..in Pittsburgh?!?

It's amazing the things that draw you to your friends. I met my friend Sean at the Burning Man from hell in 2007. We can laugh now in retrospect about how inept our camp leader was (he packed Sean's vegetarian foods at the bottom of the cooler underneath all the meat, leaving Sean to basically not eat for the last two days of the trip), how Sean's sister almost had to be sent to Reno because of alcohol poisoning (very common out there by the way - alcohol and 100+ degree temps don't mix) and of course me accidentally (I swear!) eating a half dozen hash cookies and being comatose for two days (and being fed water hourly by my awesome campmates). At the time it was hell but we kept it funny by pretending the whole camp was a Three's Company episode.

I was Larry because I did the best impression…I think a guy ended up being Mrs. Roper

Needless to say, after that we've been best buddies ever since (and still sing the Three's Company theme song). And after Sean telling me about how much he wished his awesome girlfriend (now wife) was there at Burning Man with us, I knew she and I would get along great…and we do (hey Amanda, maybe YOU can be Mrs. Roper? Huh huh? Come on…), oh sorry to get off track. This story is really about going to see my buddies - Sean & Amanda.

I had been saying for years that I was going to go to Pittsburgh and visit them when they moved out there a few years ago. One of my favorite vacations ever was going to Daytona Beach, Florida and spending the 4th of July weekend of 2008 doing our own cheap-ass rendition of Burning Man, appropriately called "Burning Stick". This comprised of us getting drunk and burning a 1 ft version of "the man" in someone's backyard. The weekend also included eating lots of junk food, driving around listening to early 90's rap music, going to a water park and telling jokes and stories until the wee hours of the morning - it was a hoot. I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with them as I wanted to when they were living out here a few years ago so it was time to brush off my frequent flier card….which had expired. I hadn't been on a plane in four years (since the Capn and I went to Oahu - I'm the only person on Earth who thinks Oahu is totally overrated) and I was surprised at how easily I was able to get in and out of the airports - hint: bring a backpack, not luggage. So surprised that when I ran in front of Sean's car, he damn near hit me. Of course, I didn't make it better by getting in and immediately saying "quick man, the cops are after me, go go!!" in front of Sean & Amanda's 7 year old son who really thought the cops were after me. Oops.

I really didn't want to do much sightseeing - I just wanted to spend time with my buddies. I was thinking about what we could do for the day when I noticed a gem from my childhood - "dude, is that Mario Bros. 3? Wholly shit! Can we play?" So we did…all weekend! Sadly, it took us a day and a half to go through every level on Mario Bros. 3 (we didn't do any of that warping crap - this was old skool). It was still fun and we got a lot of good jokes out of it. Amanda set up a fire pit in the backyard and invited her hilarious cousins over, we went to an awesome sushi dinner, and the sandwiches…oh yeah! We don't have sandwiches like this out here.

Primanti Bros. Pastrami - I dream about you my sweet…

It was a great time. I'm pissed at myself for not going out there sooner and plan to make it a yearly thing (besides, I left my orange mug I got out there and I need an excuse to go get it). I was able to see my buddies, relive old hilarious stories and create new ones since they got me hooked on this hilarious Canadian show called Trailer Park Boys. It's not for everyone but we get a kick out of it.

I don't even have my grade 10….

As I sat in the airport with all the other people obviously going back to California (see Beats headphones, strategically placed knee-holes in their jeans, questions to the other passengers about how the Dodgers and/or Giants are doing), I realized how big the world the world really is and that I really, really need to travel more. Lesson learned - go see your buddies damnit! And that is your PSA for today.

May In A Recap - I Choo-Choo Choose…money

Most of my success in my post-college life has come from seizing opportunities that many people can't due to various reasons (family constraints, laziness, lack of talent). This has allowed me to travel (New York and D.C), pay off my mountain of student loans and develop a reputation in my industry for being a quick, efficient, no-bullshit producer of high-quality work. Since my breakup, I've been throwing myself into my work as a distraction technique and it's been working fabulously. However, I forgot to factor in that when you say yes to almost every project, you find it hard to say no to much else. In a nutshell, this is where I've been for the past month:

Work:
A co-worker had an immediate family member die and had to take a month off of work (don't ask, it's a Filipino thing and I don't know enough about their culture to surmise a guess). I stepped up to take over her desk until mid-June along with my mountain of other work that I help the rest of my team with. This gave me the opportunity for unlimited overtime and I would be an idiot not to take it. 12-14 hour days for 3 weeks straight begins to warp your mind but at the same time, puts you in a routine that is very comforting and productive. I didn't get the best sleep but I helped out someone who may have lost their job if I hadn't stepped in (no way was my company going to allow anyone to take a month off for any reason). I made money and did a good thing. I'm ok with this decision.

Bay to Breakers:
Like many past yearly festivals in San Francisco (the non-defunct Halloween in the Castro, the scaled down Love Parade - awkwardly renamed LoveFest and now held in Oakland for some reason), Bay to Breakers used to be a lot cooler. It is technically a 12k race but it is also open to anyone who wants to drink and wear costumes or jog buck-naked with a squirrel on their shoulder (I have seen this live!) while taking pictures at various San Francisco institutions. Unfortunately(?), the city got tired of cleaning up after the drunks and fielding complaints from angry neighbors that people were peeing on the prized magnolias in their yard. So last year they cracked the hell down and banned alcohol, drugs and people who didn't technically pay to be in the race. I'd like to say that it helped but I still had to walk over a couple passed out guys in togas the Monday after the race on my way to work.

Normally, I wouldn't bother with doing this event in it's current sad state (also see Burning Man) but my friend Ashley is running it this year and I want to support her. She and her friend Justine dressed up as Mario and Toad (they were meeting Luigi later) and actually ran the race. I ooh them downtown but it was 7 am and after our night of drinking, I couldn't hold my head up much longer and took the train home for a nap. Next thing I know, It's 11 am - Ashley and her friends are done with the race and I was supposed to meet Zoe along the trail. Yes, I slept through Bay to Breakers. You can call me old, I'll accept the criticism with grace because you are right - it was a very old fogey thing to do. Next year I'm running it (although Ash and the gang realized running it isn't the point, drinking and mayhem along the way is), I'll be in tip-top shape by then.

Pittsburgh, PA:
Needs it's own post. :)

That's pretty much why I haven't written very much. I'm luckily to be caught up on Game of Thrones at this point in time.

Still, if I can hold on for another two weeks at work, I can begin to put myself back on a normal schedule that includes friends, activities and possibly dating. I'm planning for July to be an adventurous month. If you have any ideas for fun, put it in the comments below.

June Goals - Fun in Places Other than Here

I did the math (with and without alcohol), and I realized I won't be spending a weekend home for the next two months. I'm not going too crazy with my goals this month because I now know, I'm just not going to have the time. Still, at least I'm attempting something. 

Social:

• Take a trip to Chicago and see "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me" live. Chicago has always been on my list of places to go and I figured, what the hell? I'm hoping to get an autograph from Mo Rocca for Grandma Bobbie.

I'm such a nerd but I can't wait!

• Father's Day with Dad - in which we will be pruning bonsai trees and having a BBQ. I can get my zen on!
• Go to the El Dorado County Fair. Yep, my childhood fair that I have not gone to in 10 years. Luckily, this time I can walk around with a margarita! Maybe I can bribe my sister into going with me (and she won't throw ice cream at any jerks again).

Physical:

• Yoga once a week with Zoe - Both of our schedules really screwed this one up but we're willing to try again.
• 12,000 steps a day - I'm waiting for my pedometer to die so I can buy a Fit-Bit. I may as well wear the damn thing out for the sake of health.
• Down 10 lbs - I can do this. I got out my copy of Tim Ferriss' "The 4-Hour Body" which helped me the first time and I'm on the road again.
• Get my damn hair cut! - I'm not a girlie-girl, I love my long hair but it's just getting in the way.

Financial:

• Up my Roth IRA monthly contributions - I'm only putting in about 60% of what I should. I'd be happy getting this up to 75%.

Miscellaneous:

• Start taking more pictures. I wasn't very good at this in Pittsburgh and I really need to up my game for the various social and travel opportunities coming up. Not to mention, I'd like to decorate my walls with something.
• Go to Off the Grid! I have this one on here again because it pissed me off I couldn't squeeze it last time. I WILL get my Horchata Kettle Korn!

I'm coming back baby…just hold on!

May Goals - Recap

Wholly shit was this a whirlwind month! It started out with challenges and ended with old Nintendo games and fart jokes. If I hadn't become superwoman at work I could have done more but I stepped up for a good cause (more on that later).

Social:

• Go visit my buddies in Pittsburgh, PA - sometimes you just need to hang out with other people who still find Family Guy and fart humor funny. Don't judge me!! Done - SOOO much f'ing fun! I'm pissed I didn't do this years ago.
• Drive to Reno to spend some quality time with my cousin (this may be a carry-over to June goal based on time constraints). Fail - could not carve out the time
• Go to Off the Grid again. I miss food trucks and Horchata flavored Kettle Corn - maybe Tom will even get some next time. Fail - again, time constraints
• Host my friend Ashley and her friend for Bay to Breakers. Which pretty much means drinking, eating pancakes and watching people run in costumes. Done - such an awesome time spent with them. I just wish I wasn't too exhausted to run the race. Oh well, I'm on the list to go with them next year. And it's always a blast to spend time with Ashley!

Financial:

• Up the autopay on my car. Will have it paid by the end of next year - woo hoo! Done - ownership has it's perks baby
• Set up auto-transfers to savings - only have two accounts now to fill, more on that later. Done - set it and forget it!
• Pay the credit cards off. I got a little overzealous last month but that's ok, luckily I love ramen. Pass - my refusal to tap into my emergency fund left me about 90% of my way to the goal. Have a little roll-over to next month.

Physical:

• Finally going on a 3 day backpacking trip to Point Reyes. This will be a test of my endurance which I'm sad to say, has not improved as much as it should. I'll have a full recap on this in a couple of weeks. Done - I kicked this goal in the ass! But couldn't have done it without my awesome companions.
• Begin training in Couch to 5k. I am NOT a runner but I feel this unexplained need to start pushing my body beyond my comfort zone. Luckily, I have a few friends who have expressed an interest in doing a race with me. Sweet! Fail - the damn app sucks…ok, I just couldn't keep up.
• Up my gym time and yoga frequency. Zoe and I got our asses kicked in yoga the other night and with Tone being very busy and me stuck at work, the gym has been nonexistent in April. We're looking to change that (Tone has to get ready for bikini season after all), so we're looking at a 3x a week 1+ hour gym time, 2x a week yoga and running for me. Fail - I chose work and sleep over fitness this month.

Miscellaneous:

• Finish clean-up music project. Ever listen to your old mix-cd's (or tapes, I won't judge) and cringe? I had that experience when trying to relive the past 10 years of my life through music. It's time to clean these cd's up before they stop selling cd's anymore. It's a huge project but luckily I have roomie Tom to help (and cringe). Fail - iTunes sucks and I didn't have the energy to look for music burning software for Mac.
• Research cruises for the fall/winter. I still want to take a Caribean cruise before the end of the year. I said I'm gonna do it and damnit, this will happen! Pass - I have a preliminary idea of the trip I want but definitely need to sit down and hash it all out.
• Post here 2-3x a week. I promise, I'll get my humor writing back but first I need to get my actual writing chops back. Even good storytellers lose their way sometimes. Fail - turned out I needed sleep a hell of a lot more than I needed to write.

Even though I didn't do as well as I'd hoped, I pushed through the fog and tried. I'm not known for positivity (I'll leave that up to the Capn) but if there's one thing I learned this month it's the following: 

Push yourself farther than you think you go

20 Miles of Naturestuffs or I Went Backpacking!?!

An appreciation of nature is not something I was born with - it's something that was learned through experiences with the Crow and through the encouragement of good friends. Warning - I'm still new at this nature-stuff. 20 miles of backpacking over three days didn't sound like something I could physically handle. I'm an urban hiker - dirt hills and I are not friends. But I'm making it a point to challenge myself - physically and mentally, so it was time I finally took the good Capn up on his years-long offer of a backpacking trip.

So on a sunny Friday afternoon, (honorary roomie) Jesse and I drove to Point Reyes to meet up with the Capn and his buddy Nick. With my filled to the brim backpacking backpack (that just sounds weird together) and Giants hat, our merry gang of dudes set off from the visitors center parking lot. Immediately, I was taken to a different world. It's not very often that you see rainforest, green hills and rocky coastline on the same day. It was…awesome. In the forest, one of my first sights was a banana slug that I nearly stepped on. I had never seen one before and thought it might have been a bear booger.

A Banana Slug in the wild…yeah, we thought it kinda looked like a penis too

I'm still trying to figure out why UC Santa Cruz picked something so gross as their mascot?….damn hippies! After a little over five miles we arrived at our camp for the evening just as the evil fog started rolling in. Our campsite was back in the middle of nowhere - and smack-dab in the afternoon sun. The Capn tried to take a quick nap but was roasting in his tent. Luckily, I had beginners exhaustion on my side and got to take my nap. Through fart jokes, interesting meals (I finally got to check out dehydrated food and I must say - I'm not impressed) and camping stories, we had a nice relaxing evening in the woods.

The next day was the big hike. I could barely get out of bed because I have weak calves (yeah, that's it) but the gang forced me onwards for our trek to the coast. I was able to get these kick-ass shots….

Fallen tree…no f'ing problem for our gang! 

Beautiful!

…before I realized my camera was having technical difficulties. Unfortunately, I also started having technical difficulties around this time due to the crappy food I ate the night before. I may love ramen but that doesn't mean my stomach does. The last 8 miles of hiking was irritating due to a pissed-off tummy. Luckily, I was with three guys who enjoyed nature shots and I'll be able to get plenty of visual reminders from their pictures. It turned out, I wasn't the only one on the trip who was uncomfortable. Nick somehow pulled his groin and was hobbling about as slowly as I was. We had stopped for lunch at this pretty bridge when we were suddenly inundated by a swarm of post-teen hikers - in their matching hiking boots, tu-tus and hipster hats. Someone in our group pin-pointed them as a church group and we all said "Ohhhhh", as if that explained everything. Once we got our laughs out, it was a grueling uphill to camp. Of course, we got the campsite that was in the middle of overgrown grasses and weeds and swarming with mosquitos. After watching my fellow hikers get eaten alive through their clothes, I retreated to the tent (we all did to avoid the mosquitos) and talked to everyone through our tents.

The last day was full of jokes about "man-stink" (funny because I felt like I smelled the worst) and all the things we would eat on the way home (mmm, burgers and pizza). I walked the last few miles with Nick so he'd have a hiking buddy (ok, I wanted to make sure he didn't pass out from his groin pull, but he was a trooper). We came upon that church group that ran into us the day before and found many of the girls wrapping their knees and ankles together…1/8 of a mile from the parking lot! Seriously? They couldn't wait the 3 minutes it would have taken to go over the hill into their parked van. The church director looked just as irritated as we felt…and was glaring at our barely concealed snickering. We heckled all the way to the "finishing line" and a very proud Capn Dick took a victory picture of me.

Still trying to figure out if this is a look of exhausted delirium or relief at seeing a bathroom

So I did it! Not only that, I kicked ass (and only bitched a little)! We clocked just over 20 miles in 48 hours and besides my exhausted walk to the bathroom, it really wasn't that bad. Hell, I realized I'd (surprisingly) do it again…maybe next year…and not in mid-summer. It really changed my perception of what I thought I was physically capable of - what else can I do? 

Lessons learned: 

• Wear wool socks!
• DON'T eat dehydrated meals. I was very happy with my ramen, oatmeal and Clif Bars. Even the Capn agreed it was sandwiches and chips next time
• Bring moleskin for blisters and TONS of bug spray in case the camping people decide to give you the shittiest, most mosquito-occupied campsites
• Laugh a lot and take a bunch of pictures
• But still…bring pepto-bismol!

Forcing Myself Outside, Or How I Learned to Love Bingo

I haven't become a complete hermit. I go to work, the gym, Tar-je (Target), game night with the gang and the other night, drinks with friends. When you're bummed about life, it can be a chore to even get out of bed but I'm one of those people that has to do something EVERY DAY or the entire day was a waste of my life. However, I have a loose definition of what "something" entails. Example: Friday all I did was go to work, have a three hour text conversation with my sister and my buddy, drink an entire bottle of wine and watch the Giants game with roomie Tom. That's it! I didn't cure herpes or balance my checkbook or even catch the rogue mouse in our apartment.

I will get you…you little bastard!

Still, if I look further I actually did the following: made money to provide for my well-being; planned a future project with my sister as we discussed psychological reasons why some people should not get married; connected with my buddies regarding a upcoming and much looked-forward to trip to see them; bonded with my roommate and friend who I don't see as often as I like and partook in enjoying a bottle of my favorite wine in a safe environment. Not so minuscule now huh? Damn perception! I took this realization to my Saturday which involved more wine drinking, more baseball watching and spending time with people I enjoy seeing. Did I have a bunch of stuff I could have done at home? Of course…especially catching that damn mouse….but it's become more important to me to develop experiences than to finish watching every episode of Top Gear (U.K. of course - there is not another one!) and scrub our fake hardwood floors.

Quite possibly one of the funniest shows ever…and I don't give a crap about cars!

I met up with my friend Colby for pizza dinner and drinks in my old neighborhood (I miss the Inner Sunset so damn much) and headed to one of my favorite bars to watch the Sharks-Kings playoff game (that's hockey for anyone who gives a shit). Unfortunately, when we arrived it was full of tool-bags there to watch some UFC fight. We lasted one drink before it was obvious we needed to hit the road. Luckily, Colby asked what Tom was up to and I knew Tom was at a bar that was doing a bingo night. That sounded fun…right? The answer is hell yeah that's right! The Riptide is around the corner from my apartment (you know, in case anyone wants to stalk me or anything) and is the go-to place when Tom's friends are in town which they so happened to be. Colby and I wandered in around the end of the bingo game and everyone was already pretty drunk. I had to help Tom with the numbers he missed because he was too busy spontaneously dancing (it's just something he does…he's single ladies!) and trying to figure out how to get a drink at this very distracted dive bar. Every single person in there was playing bingo - even the bartenders! I remember looking at Colby at some point and asking why the hell we didn't just come here? I had more fun in 15 minutes at the end of a bingo game than 35 minutes at one of my supposed favorite bars. We spent most of the rest of the evening together before sending the beyond drunk gang to their show at Ruby Skye (boo!!!). 

Still, I wore my leather jacket and didn't look like the pasty zombie that has become the norm. Hell, I even got a little sunburn on my nose! I was out and about for the majority of an entire day that didn't involve sweating my ass off in a gym or sitting in cubicle cleaning other others mistakes. That is a win baby! Now I just have to snag one of my Mom's bingo daubers for the game in two weeks…..

May Goals - Getting Sh*t Done

I've found a new desire to get even more done than my OCD tendencies force me to do. Luckily, I think I can do this and it's forcing me to become more social and begin to (slowly) get back out around other people again.

Social:

• Go visit my buddies in Pittsburgh, PA - sometimes you just need to hang out with other people who still find Family Guy and fart humor funny. Don't judge me!!

Oh Pe-ta!

• Drive to Reno to spend some quality time with my cousin (this may be a carry-over to June goal based on time constraints).
• Go to Off the Grid again. I miss food trucks and Horchata flavored Kettle Corn - maybe Tom will even get some next time.
• Host my friend Ashley and her friend for Bay to Breakers. Which pretty much means drinking, eating pancakes and watching people run in costumes.

Run dudes, there's a hipster in a Donkey Kong costume after you!

Financial:

• Up the autopay on my car. Will have it paid by the end of next year - woo hoo!
• Set up auto-transfers to savings - only have two accounts now to fill, more on that later.
• Pay the credit cards off. I got a little overzealous last month but that's ok, luckily I love ramen.

Physical:

• Finally going on a 3 day backpacking trip to Point Reyes. This will be a test of my endurance which I'm sad to say, has not improved as much as it should. I'll have a full recap on this in a couple of weeks.
• Begin training in Couch to 5k. I am NOT a runner but I feel this unexplained need to start pushing my body beyond my comfort zone. Luckily, I have a few friends who have expressed an interest in doing a race with me. Sweet!
• Up my gym time and yoga frequency. Zoe and I got our asses kicked in yoga the other night and with Tone being very busy and me stuck at work, the gym has been nonexistent in April. We're looking to change that (Tone has to get ready for bikini season after all), so we're looking at a 3x a week 1+ hour gym time, 2x a week yoga and running for me. 

Miscellaneous:

• Finish clean-up music project. Ever listen to your old mix-cd's (or tapes, I won't judge) and cringe? I had that experience when trying to relive the past 10 years of my life through music. It's time to clean these cd's up before they stop selling cd's anymore. It's a huge project but luckily I have roomie Tom to help (and cringe).
• Research cruises for the fall/winter. I still want to take a Caribean cruise before the end of the year. I said I'm gonna do it and damnit, this will happen!
• Post here 2-3x a week. I promise, I'll get my humor writing back but first I need to get my actual writing chops back. Even good storytellers lose their way sometimes.

Reasonable list, now just to force myself to do it all. Thanks for keeping me accountable!

What goals do you have for May? List in the comments.

Spend on What You Love - Personal Finance Link Love

I like weird food from food trucks, walking shoes that allow me to track miles around my city, fresh veggies, coffee (especially Kahlua coffee - thanks Grandma!) and the ability to treat my friends to food and drinks.

Worth every. damn. penny.

I will spend on these…a lot and that's ok because there's a lot of crap I won't spend on: expensive clothes, organic meat and eggs, sky-high rent, makeup. It's the balance that's the key. One of my favorite lines is:

"You can have anything you want but you can't have everything you want"

I'm a personal finance blog fan. There is so much you can learn and it was instrumental in helping me get out of debt and know what to plan and save for. Here are some of my favorites:

• Get Rich Slowly
• Wise Bread
• Give Me Back My Five Bucks
• I Will Teach You To Be Rich - warning: Ramit is not for everyone, but is highly entertaining if you have a "no excuses" attitude towards life

However, I don't believe in extreme frugality which is funny because that was the path I took to get out of debt. In retrospect, it was the wrong path. I gave up way too many opportunities because I couldn't see the forest through the trees and while I'm better off now for doing things that way, it is not the best way for everyone. I bought a designer purse the other day that I've been wanting for years (on sale of course). That's not to brag, it's to point out that I lived on beans and rice for a couple weeks to get it because I cared about quality. I have a friend who sold his skateboard collection to buy the best surfboard he could because surfing is his new passion. The older I get, the more I realize that all of life is a series of trade-offs. I choose to live in a crowded city that is community oriented where I am close to friends and opportunities than buy a home in an open suburb that I can make my own because to me, my friends are home to me. 

Of course, priorities change but in not only getting out of debt, but in every area of your life you should feel like you're doing things that are authentic to you (I'm sorry, that was too "Oprah" even for me). It's not always easy but as I told the Capn when he was thinking about selling a truck he loves - look at everything in your life and ask if it fits your life NOW? He's an outdoor guy who frankly needs a truck for all his activities. I sold my work suits and hi-heels because I work in a business-casual environment and usually walk a couple miles to work in the morning for exercise. Heels aren't gonna be practical for that. Humans have hoarderish tendencies. We have things to be reminded of good times, people we love and because we think everything has a use (no Mom, you will never use your crappy, dilapidated coffee tables that have been in the garage for 15 years). If it's not where you are today, get rid of it. Trust me, you'll feel 20 pounds lighter. Or sell it and spend the money on some sweet cross-trainers, a new symbol for your drums or whatever the hell is important to you.

What is worth it for you to spend money on? Let me know in the comments!

Decluttering for Fun and Profit

*This was one of my most popular posts from my now-defunct finance blog that I had a request to re-post. Don't worry, this is not a permanent thing!*

During the great financial meltdown of 2008 (that’s what I’m calling it at least), I was working at a law firm that was about to lay off 95% of its employees. There I was – five weeks into the job and I had just used every last dime of savings I had to pay off a credit card. This. Was. Not. Good. Instead of selling my body to science (yeah, that’s what we’ll call it), I decided to get creative in making more money. I already had two jobs and a side gig, what more could I do? After having another book fall on my foot from my rinky-dink shelf I realized I needed to sell, sell, sell. Looking around my apartment, there was so much crap I had but didn’t use.

•           Books – this was way before Kindle and even then I was questioning why I had kept my college accounting book. We always say that we’ll “use these for reference someday” but that day never comes gang. Put old textbooks and any book you haven’t read in the past two years online (Amazon or Google "used textbook sales"). Or donate them to your local library or Goodwill – you’ll get a tax write off.

•           Cd’s/Movies – when was the last time you watched that favorite movie of yours? How many times have you burned that Depeche Mode CD on to your computer? If it’s not on your tablet or laptop, how important is it to you really? Put it online or try to sell it to your local record store. You don’t know how much that Pixies album is worth until you check it out.

•           Clothes – I had a ton of good condition suits and nice shoes I bought for conquering the corporate world. Oops, damn college student hope. I was able to sell my suits to Buffalo Exchange and some other local thrift stores. eBay is always an option but I find they take so much in fees that it’s not worth it. If you have something with the tags still on, that’s the way to go. If you’re not finding any luck and could use some good karma, donate any business wear to Goodwill or Dress for Success to someone who could use it.

•           Large furniture – oversized dressers, armoires, coffee tables, random Ikea furniture left by old roommates – put it on Craigslist and make some money. Make sure to take clear pictures from different angles, provide measurements and always say in the ad that they need to pick it up. People are so transient here that I always check Craigslist before I go to Ikea – someone’s three-month old bed frame could be my discount remodel piece. I’ve also sold bikes, exercise equipment, cookware and video-game systems on Craigslist. Just be prepared to haggle, only let people pick up in the daytime and deal with cash only.

•           Get rid of your vehicle. This is very extreme but if you live in a place with good public transportation or are a couple who can carpool, the savings are insane. Getting rid of my lemon of a car was the single smartest economic decision I did. The amount of money I saved put a huge dent in my debt.

Hopefully by the end of this you’ll be a little more organized, have some extra money in your pocket and have some space to do yoga or set up your beer-pong table.

Out of Action….Jackson!

Well gang, things don't always turn out the way you want them to. I've been very much out of action for the past couple months and for that I apologize. The problem with writing is that there are stretches where there is nothing to say. Or, you have plenty to say but don't trust yourself to contain your emotions so you don't sound like a fucking lunatic.

Here's the skinny - the Crow permanently flew the nest and I've been dealing (?) with the aftermath of that decision. When you plan on spending your life with someone and I mean really plan (with money and in-law discussions), it's assumed you're all in. Turns out, that was just me. I'm not mad at him and don't plan on being - he made the best decision for where he is in his life. As much as it destroyed me, it is for the best and one day I will actually mean that. Through the EXTREME support of my family, friends and co-workers, I've been able to (slowly) get through this. I even started seeing a therapist and got on some mild anxiety pills to cope. (Seriously, go talk to a councilor or therapist if you're going though some tough times. It has been so helpful for me, especially if you have trouble believing positive things people tell you). I spent the first month after the breakup working constantly, sleeping on my couch and listening to four years worth of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me episodes.

We'll miss you Carl Kasell!!!

It's always surprising the things that provide comfort in bad times and by sticking to a strict routine, talking to anyone who would listen and actually shutting up and listening to others, the days have started to get easier and I was able to start making goals again. Although I lost the person I loved, I've been able to break down things better.

The good things:

• I met my emergency fund goal of having 3 months worth of living expenses.
• Getting in touch with old friends and getting to know them again in their new lives.
• Traveling to (finally) see my buddies in Pittsburgh and going to Chicago because I can.
• Being able to spend quality time with my cousin and get to know her new family (something I said I was going to do for years and plan on doing more of).
• Becoming a better friend - the support I've had during this has been amazing and it made me realize I was severely lacking as a friend. It's good to know that I can try to make it up to them.
• Getting closer to my family and seeing them as people with experiences and knowledge instead of seeing them under the bias of "family".
• Pushing myself to become more active again. I'll always regret not going on that final backpacking trip with the Crow, Tom and the Capn. I spent so much of my relationship saying "I can't" so I wouldn't hold anyone back instead of pushing myself to say "I can" and believing it. So, I'm going backpacking in two weeks!
• Being serious about yoga. It's worth the cost and I get to spend time with my lovely friend Zoe. Win-win!
• Understanding that I must find my next path in life and it's not in a cubicle.

The bad….

• Trying not to think about someone you still love and care about who may not feel the same for you.
• Crying. In. Public.
• (Inadvertently) Not caring about how I look and not having the energy to care.
• Dismantling the future I was promised that I didn't know I wanted.
• The self-esteem, self-worth issues and the questions that come with it.

I'm making it a point to work on the bad things everyday and at least I have more items on the good list.    I keep remembering something my amazing friend Leanna told me, "don't let this define you". I miss him every day but that doesn't matter, I don't want to spend my life with someone who doesn't feel the same for me. As simple a concept as that is, you'd be surprised how difficult that is to say. It seems I am strong in every area of my life except the one that seems to be the most important.

Since I need to create a new path, I'm going to write here more and change the feel of the blog a bit. A few more finance posts, maybe a couple dating ones when I'm ready and mostly trying to navigate the world of not quite feeling like the adult my retirement account claims me to be. Comments are always welcome as well as post submissions. Thanks for coming along!

Hugs and steamed pork buns,

The Commander

Condensed Milk of the Last Six Months…without that sticky feeling!

"You're still here!" an excited young hipster told me one day while I was riding the L-train to work. He looked vaguely familiar but so does every skinny, dark haired guy in his mid-20's with a beard and a flannel - this is hipster haven after all. My mornings consist of listening to Rob, Arnie and Dawn and sipping my coffee or lemon water trying not to get coughed on by the sickly elderly Chinese people who always make it a point to sit thisclose to me on the train - not conversing with excited hipsters.

Scene on any BART or MUNI train on any given day….

I asked if I knew him and he excitedly said, "I saw you everyday on the N-Judah when I was going to  college six years ago - you look exactly the same and I love those glasses, did you get them at Urban Outfitters?" First things first - fucking hipsters! I mean really, the thought of my glasses being real never once crossed his mind? Second, have I really not changed in six years? Longer? How old was this "kid"? Once I told him he could get them at Target and he scoffed saying that place was "too corporate" (obviously he hasn't read up on his beloved Urban Outfitters lately - doesn't get much more corporate than shareholders ), I thought about the past few years. I've done a lot dammit! Here's a list of the crap I was able to do in just the last six months:

• I bought a brand new car! His name is Klaus Von Kobiyashi and he's a German letter daddy in a Japanese body. He likes when men drive him and playing techno music. Also gets pissed when I listen to sports-talk radio. Yay good credit!

Wholly shit! I didn't have to steal it or anything!

• I got a new job! Granted, it's in the same industry that I'm pretty over but it's more money and I get to work with people my own age again. Bonus - learning that I cannot tolerate alcohol like I used to and that not many people like their jobs. There's a camaraderie in that.                                           .
• The Crow moved in with Tom and I. We're having fun but our "bungalow at the beach" is a little cramped. Still debating on the next move for everyone. With how fucked up San Francisco real estate is, we could be living in someones walk-in closet in six months. Still, it's nice having our little family - unfortunately, I still do most of the cleaning.                                                                 .
•  I've found a renewed sense of exploration. I haven't gotten out much in the past year but it's time to explore more, have more adventures and bitch about hipsters…again. Also planning an international trip that I'll tell you guys more about later.

So that's where I am - new adventures, same gang, new car. Now if I can just find out who has been peeing on my back tire at night...

30 Before 30 Recap…Looking Like An Ass In Front of A Live Studio Audience!

As of today, I have been 30 for about six months and I…um…kind of accomplished a lot. Who am I kidding, here's the recap of an ambitious list created by a woman who lost all ambition.

30 Before 30 List 

1. Travel Internationally at least once (Commander and the Crow: World Tour baby!) - PASS - I'm going to claim Canada counts
2. Get New Job (boring!) - PASS - mo' money, mo' problems (more in a later post)
3. Do Bikram Yoga everyday day for two weeks straight (hopefully that's what it will take to clear out all the wine from New Years). - FAIL - Tom and I got 3 days before passing out….ok, I passed out. But we did use our Groupon and I felt less like an alcoholic. Moving on…
4. Pass CAPM exam so my "Personal Development" classes will be worth something. PASS - but decided I didn't have the patience to do this job. Regardless, another line on the resume. In retrospect - I should have kept the money.
5. Run a 10 minute mile (for those who laugh: I. Do. Not. Run. This will be a pain in the ass). - EPIC FUCKING FAIL - I'm not a runner. I don't even know why I keep putting this on the list….
6. Do not forget a single 30th Birthday in my group of friends (yay calendars!) - PASS - ha ha, we're old!
7. Eat a 5x5 from In n' Out Burger and a giant Neapolitan Shake (woo hoo!) - PASS
8. Finish watching every single episode of "Star Trek - The Next Generation" including the subsequent movies. PASS - sadly though, I remember like 3 episodes and I think it burst the Crow's bubble of realizing his favorite childhood show does indeed…suck. It's why I refuse to ever watch another episode of "Night Court" ever again! Don't meet your childhood heroes kids.                          
   
                                                                                        I love you Dan Dan Fielding!!!                                                           
9. Get new driver's license picture where I'm smirking - PARTLY FAIL - I got a new drivers license picture but forgot about doing this and now just look like a really young version of my Mom…I can't believe I just admitted that.
10. Be able to hike (real nature hike) with the Capn - FAIL - rolled over to next year….or this year I guess.
11. Host a dinner with the SF crew where you do ALL the cooking (no passing off Chinese food as your creation!) - PASS - I'm good at roasting stuff, who knew? 
12. Get commuter bike and begin to ride the very, very long ride to work (bonus: awesome calf muscles) - PASS?? - I have the bike but can only go about a quarter of a mile without dying. Um, cough, I guess I'll have to work on that.
13. Go to all you can eat sushi place with Charlie - try to not throw up - PASS - we kicked ass and took names! Names of the sushi chefs that is. Hey Tako!
14. Drink a bottle of very expensive wine with B-Money (don't worry homie, it'll be red) - FAIL - on the list for next time
15. Get huge group photo of gang to hang in my living room (clothing optional) - PASS - took this on my 30th birthday and it's hanging in my bedroom since it's impossible to nail anything into our living room walls which I think are made from millions of plastic grocery bags crammed into a wall. Chinese construction and all….
16. Get back to my "fighting weight" just in case I'm attacked by hipsters or crackheads (again) - FAIL - I'm currently the largest I've ever been but that's a battle for another time. I won't give up….mmmmm donuts….
17. Become better swimmer - PARTIAL FAIL - went rafting a few times but gave up the swimming classes since it was just me and 25 people over 60. 
18. Give up buying coffee for six months (gotta fund the World Tour account somehow). - FAIL - what the fuck was I thinking?
19. Go to every touristy place in Golden Gate Park (be able to give directions) - PASS - like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I had the ability to do this all along.
20. Walk from the Embarcadero to Ocean Beach in one shot - FAIL - gonna try again
21. Try avocado milkshake - PASS - THIS SUCKED!
22. Go ice skating again - try not to break neck - FAIL - I forgot I hate the cold
23. Support City College - take a random class for the hell of it (NO BUSINESS CLASSES!) - FAIL - but I am making up for that in a later post...
24. Do kickboxing - do NOT "accidentally" punch anyone - PASS - I felt so damn old in this class
25. Try acupuncture - FAIL
26. Quit Facebook - FAIL (obviously, you're reading this from a Facebook link)
27. Re-design blog (visual, not posts. Lucky you!) - FAIL - creativity is not a strong point of mine
28. Come up with Canadian alias (just in case you need to flee) - PASS - Chastity LeMont
29. Learn to drive a stick shift god-damnit!! - PARTIAL PASS - I'm giving myself this one dammit. I might burn out your clutch but I can get you to a hospital if you cut your finger off in a freak blender accident.
30. Try not to kill your plants - PASS - plants are thriving at their new corporate home (my office)

Not too bad…not too good either. Still though, for an experiment I forgot about this isn't too bad. 

What about you? Is there anything dumb/weird/funny you'd like to do this year?

No Seriously, Where the Hell Have You Been?

Wholly rusty fingers Batman! First of all let me explain, I lost the motivation to write (it wasn't you guys….pinky swear!), it was me. I was not in the best place in my life and was frankly leading a boring life (no one wants to hear about weight or mental issues - you have enough of your own). It was the great Capn Dick who championed another dormant project of mine and encouraged me to find my voice again.

Don't look at me like that, sometimes hippie sayings are true

So on that note, I'm back bitches! Hopefully I have enough stories, adventures planned and random rants at old Chinese ladies to keep you interested. 

Hugs and burritos,
The Commander